Objective Curiousity

Just a few of the random things I enjoy.

I’m dual-weilding - I’ve got a fist in each hand.


-the Monk.

Seeing what tricks my new pet knows during my first session


Me: Roll over.

GM: The hedgehog rolls over. It’s adorable.

Me: Stay.

GM: You take a few steps away. The hedgehog remains where it is.

Me: Heel.

GM: The hedgehog heals you for 5 HP.

Me: Holy shit.

“Can I roll Sense Motive on the cookies?”

—   We don’t trust our DM anymore. (via outofcontextdnd)


Summoner: Does the skeleton thief have intelligence?

DM: From what you can tell, yes.

Summoner: Alright, then I’m going to seduce the skeleton.

DM: What the- okay. Fine. Just roll.

Summoner: *rolls a natural 20* Okay, so that’s gonna be 33 total to seduce the skeleton.

DM: Yknow what. Fuck it. You seduced the skeleton.

Choose your words carefully


DM: As a reward to the party, the Genie will answer one question with complete honesty.

Me: Each?

Genie: <laughing> No!

Party: <Evil glare at me>


Fighter: Should we bury the dead centaurs?

Mage: They’re really big

Bard: We can bury their human halves.

Keeping Pace (Salsa)


(At the end of a full 20 level campaign the Tarrasque is down and ready for the Wish/Miracle. unfortunately, we’ve already lost our our wizard and sorcerer.)

Fighter: Quick, cast Miracle on the Tarrasque!

Me: I think now would be a good time to tell you I’m not a cleric.

Everyone but the DM: You’re what?!

Me: I’m a witch.

DM: *quietly hands me a five dollar bill while grinning like a maniac*


“Alright, here’s the thing about boats.” –Berserker talking the Ranger out of setting the boat they were raiding on fire.


GM: I’m… inclined to say this is a bad idea based on your track records so far, especially after the squirrel sewer incident, but I honestly can’t find much fault in this. 

-Says the GM as our Paladin winds a catapult up and the mage proceeds to load her air elemental in the cradle so they can launch it over a fort’s walls so it can gather information and sneak out again.